We always view our partners in rose-colored glasses mainly because we’re in love~
It is cliché, but no matter how many times we say that isn’t the case, oh Honey, it is.
We can’t always identify the signs, and when someone does point it out, you defend your partner because, let’s face it - other than the fact that we love them, we just don’t want to believe that side of them.
Now I could go on and on about the different kinds of red flags. Still, the thing here is that it’s only a part of identifying if the relationship is unhealthy, and honestly, that’s another topic we could tackle for another day.
On a side note, for overthinkers out there, this is not a generalized checklist, and if you have anything in this list that bothers you. Please, by all means, talk it out with your partner instead of jumping to conclusions or avoiding them.
So why don’t we start?
TRAIT #1: if you are asking for the bare minimum.
You read that right.
But what do I mean exactly?
Have you ever been or are you in a relationship where you are the one who constantly initiates the conversation, begging for time with them, or even pushing aside your time to cater to them, and just being happy or content when they’re giving you a tiny bit of their time?
That’s asking for the bare minimum.
I’m not saying you have to be all up on each other when you’re in a relationship, but you can’t disregard the fact that you’re both going to have to work to make it work.
You can’t enter a relationship half-assed and only give the bare minimum of your time, effort, attention, commitment, and emotions expecting the other person to stay.
TRAIT #2: Losing yourself
You’re going to be head over heels when you’re in a relationship, and the only time you start realizing that you’ve lost who you are is when your life is only revolving around this one person.
Relationships are amazing, and it can make you feel like the happiest person in the whole world, especially when you’re in a relationship with someone who makes you feel like they’re your best friend BUT it can also become our whole world (unfortunately, not in that sappy or happy kind of way).
It is possible that you may experience these highs and lows more deeply than ever before. The possibility exists that you may go insane or that you will lose control over everything. Perhaps you've begun to question why you are the way you are, or why you are doing the things that you are doing. All because you’re focusing too much on the “we” and forgetting the “i”
I used to have this friend who isolated herself when she was in a relationship, she threw away everything she loved to do and the things that she liked all because the guy wasn’t interested in it, so she just dropped everything and just became available only for the guy.
From an outside perspective, you already figured out that she’s losing herself to her partner, but to her, it just means that she’s in love and that she doesn’t want to lose him.
TRAIT #3: Lack of Communication
Communication and understanding is the biggest factor in a healthy relationship.
Now I’m not saying that arguments are immediately a red flag, it’s more of how you both are communicating on a day-to-day basis.
If you had recently fought and are resolving it through avoiding talking about it, or worse, pointing fingers at each other (constantly, without any change), then that would be considered a red flag.
It’s kind of confusing to understand but let me share a personal experience.
I used to have this ex-boyfriend who made a big deal about everything! I mean everything! He made assumptions to hide his own feelings (he was projecting). I always thought that maybe I lacked communication, and continued to blame myself. The way he was communicating was that other than blaming me and using foul words such as cheating and having affairs, was already a red flag but I kept insisting that it was.
I know it’s hard to let go of someone or identify red flags especially when you’re in love but to save yourself from another heartbreak I know it’s best to let go and look forward to someone who would treat you the princess you are (but you also have to reciprocate especially with communicating).
TRAIT #4: Constant Fighting or Easily Irritable
Isn’t it already draining to keep crying, fighting, or getting annoyed?
When you’re in a relationship where you can’t even catch a break, and you keep getting cornered for nothing that you didn’t do.
There will always be instances where you have fights and arguments, but the thing is that there will be solutions because there is no such thing as a “perfect relationship.”
You have to deal with certain events that may shake your relationship a bit. Still, when you’re actually working together to make your relationship work, you have to actively communicate with your partner about things you both have to work it out.
TRAIT #5: Manipulation
The hardest thing to detect - is being manipulated.
There are still signs in knowing if you’re being manipulated, and these are:
- When he starts being controlling
- When he starts accusing you of things, you never did or will do
- When he criticizes everything you do
- When he is being sketchy
Now again, this isn’t something that’s easy to identify, but before you continue your relationship, rather than just crying and staring at the ceiling and asking why. Try and look back at your relationship and evaluate the things that you’ve gone through.
This doesn’t mean that you’re only focusing on just the good things or just the bad things.
Relationships are different and love itself is already confusing, and these posts aren’t supposed to dictate you to do what you have to do next. We’re only here to highlight certain things that we often disregard or push away.