Starting relationships and meeting new people can be quite difficult if you’re an oversharer (like me).
You’d want them to see you in a good light, so during the first date or possibly the first few dates, you find yourself self-doubting and overthinking about what to share to break the silence.
But the more you spend time with them and go on dates, the more your lives become intertwined, and sometimes it does get difficult to find what’s appropriate to talk about.
And because of that, you’d want to know what things count as oversharing or crossing the line with too much information.
#1: At the right time and place
Whether you’re outside, at a family gathering/dinner, or even indoors, there are the right times and places to have deep and comfortable conversations.
Now, you wouldn’t want to talk about your numerous exes during the first or even the third date or talk about having kids with them after dating them for a week.
I get it, we’re in love.
It does freak someone out to already envision a future with a house, kids, and a white picket fence, with someone you’ve known for a few days.
Or how about even talking about your sexual experiences at a family gathering?
Remember how Phoebe from Friends tried to fit in with Mike’s parents, and she started telling his mom how he was a fantastic lover?
That would indefinitely be awkward.
Although, there will always be times when we become tactless and forget what to say because we start to panic.
#2: Give yourself boundaries
As difficult as this seems, it’s time to make and build our boundaries.
Honestly, I’ve been told too many times that I have been oversharing information about my personal life with people I’ve just met, and I got hurt by it.
Although we weren’t really taught how to build our own boundaries because we keep relying on other people’s approval or even their opinions about us, having your own boundaries is necessary.
It’s necessary for you not to break or lose yourself.
Know that you shouldn’t rush the relationship you’re trying to build too. Know your own pace.
I mean, you don’t want to overshare information about your life only to know that he’s a stalker or worse - a serial killer.
Now, all jokes aside.
You wouldn’t want to share very intimate details about your life only to end up being their friend or just someone who passes in their life. And you especially wouldn’t want to have another “start from scratch with another stranger” feeling.
Know when you believe is the right time for you to share. Don’t rush it.
#3: Sharing or Oversharing?
But isn’t oversharing, sharing?
Well, yeaaah BUT there is a reason why the word “over” was before the word sharing.
It means you’re sharing too much information that you might regret later on.
Now, when you’re an oversharer like me who practically overshares information just to not have silent and/or awkward conversations.
Honestly, I think because of me oversharing about my personal life and relationship history to the several people I’ve met, I’ve probably scared them off, thinking I’m carrying too much baggage.
Now I don’t mean to be closed off.
Try to read their reactions, hand gestures even, or the way they’re talking to you (their body language).
Also, never take or keep control of every topic and conversation you have. Yes, I get it we’re panicking BUT always remember that the conversations require give and take. You have to make sure to find the right balance between things.
I mean, you wouldn’t want to talk about the time your dog died or had broken up with your ex, when they’re talking about something unrelated to that.
#4: Keep your first dates light.
From the first through the third date, it is best to avoid issues that bring up strong emotions and opinions, such as previous relationships, religion, and politics.
Especially because when you start conversations like this, they may appear uninterested or riled up.
Also, avoid questioning and interrogating your date about their work or career path to the point where it appears like you are attempting to create the connection for financial reasons rather than real love.
You’re not interviewing a possible candidate, nor are you a police officer trying to pull the information out of them.
Keep the first date conversation casual; discuss interests, hobbies, movies, music, and vacations. Have fun, smile, joke, laugh, flirt, and have a good time.
If you’ve reached the first few dates, you can even use life sutra’s dating connect to help you start conversations or find topics you could use.
#5: Trust your gut.
Sometimes, when we’re around someone, we have that inkling that tells us not to share something, especially when we think it is something personal.
Do you trust them enough with the information you’re about to share? Or do you know they’ll understand where you’d be coming from?
I’ve had this one experience where a friend of mine had lied to their parents about going somewhere, and I told my parents out of excitement knowing that it was brave of my friend to do something like that. Not in a bad way.
Hey I was young.
BUT to my friend, it felt like I was acting all innocent and like an angel in front of my parents.
Although I already had that inkling to keep it between me and my friend I still overshared.
Don’t push that inkling away.