Falling in love with someone for the first time can give you a blissful feeling. But, supposedly, the first few months spent with them are the hardest since you attempt to let your defenses down and be open to being intimate with them.
To be completely naked (not literally) towards them, about your past, thoughts, insecurities, goals, and dreams requires an extensive amount of effort. Both of you have to be completely willing to tear down your walls for each other; now, it may not be easy, but if you can imagine a life with them, now wouldn’t that be worth it?
But the giddy, thrilling sensation of falling in love is not something that lasts forever.
Now I’m not saying that the love stops. It just - evolves.
Maintaining a relationship can be quite hard, especially when you’re together for a long time. After that, everything starts to feel like a routine, and sadly, some people give up when they’re no longer in the honeymoon phase.
Now there are ways to keep that spark and maintain a healthy relationship.
AVOID CONSTANTLY BRINGING UP THE PAST
There is a certain extent to talk about the past because it triggers conflicts or fights in your relationship.
I’m not saying that all relationships are like this. It’s more like most partners find it difficult to accept the past of their significant other, or that they get tired from hearing the mistakes from the past (like the about the dirty dishes last week, or not being able to get the kids from school).
It’s not healthy to keep pointing out what happened in the past, as it will only frustrate and drain you both out. So as much as possible, let bygones be bygones, mainly if you’ve already found a solution for it.
The number one rule in relationships is - communication.
Your partner is not a mind reader. They won’t know if there’s something wrong or if there’s something that’s bothering you. You can’t say “it’s fine” or “I’m okay” all the time because they aren’t detectives. They won’t decipher your responses.
It will require time, but you have to learn to be honest towards each other to be aware of what they’re thinking about or how they felt.
On a side note, your partner should never disregard or invalidate what you’re feeling when communicating with them.
TRUST YOUR PARTNER
What's the purpose of being in a relationship if you don't trust your partner from the beginning?
Trusting is one of the most challenging things to do, especially when you’ve both had instances in the past where you find it hard to trust. However, trust is usually earned/gained. Establishing trust will take time, and trusting someone means completely giving them your heart, knowing that it’s safe with them.
Wouldn’t it be nice to trust someone and not worry or overthink about trivial things anymore?
If your partner truly loves you, they will do what they can to keep that trust and not lose it.
LOVE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE
Wouldn’t it be amazing to have someone accept your flaws?
As human as we are, we aren’t perfect at all. We often compare ourselves to those around us. Those who have achieved their goals or those we believe have the ideal weight or look that we’ve wanted.
It’s already quite difficult to find someone who will love us for who we truly are, who will appreciate our imperfections.
I mean, I’d love to have someone accept the flaws and insecurities that I have.
GIVING THEM THE SUPPORT THEY NEED
As much as we try to give ourselves that nudge, we often need that push and motivation to aim for our dreams and goals in life—someone to run and build a future with us.
Being given the motivation and support to achieve a goal, even if it’s just getting through the week, is already establishing that healthy relationship.
P.S. Make sure you understand both of your love languages to communicate more effectively with your spouse and understand how you treat each other.
Your partner will do anything in their power to support and make you smile; you often don’t recognize their efforts because you don’t know what they’re doing.
Appreciate the efforts and the lengths they’re going through for you.
Surprise them with flowers, chocolates, or even help out around the house. You don’t need to go to great lengths just to show them that you see their efforts.
After weeks of being stuck at work or weeks of not spending time together, shouldn’t it be the right time to schedule a date night?
Turn off your phone, and set up a date for both of you to enjoy. Then, keep the kids tucked in, and get dolled up for that date!
Even if you’ve spent a lot of time with them, you shouldn’t forget to win them over every time. Keep that spark, not just the intimacy, but the openness.
Even a movie date for an hour or two like every twice a month would be amazing. You get to cuddle, scream and jump into the arms of your partner 😏
DON’T KEEP SECRETS
Secrets and lies can ruin the foundation of your relationship, well, except if it’s a birthday surprise, then that’s fine. But if you lied about something crucial and know full-well that you have to share it with your partner, it will hurt your partner and most likely lose their trust towards you.
If you know that you shouldn’t do something, you shouldn’t do it in the first place.
COMPROMISE BUT NEVER LOSE YOURSELF
Loving someone doesn’t mean that you need to lose yourself.
Relationships will always have compromises, like the time you can spend together, the decisions you both need to make, and the plans that cater to your needs.
We hear stories about how most people would disregard their needs and give what their partner needs instead of finding common ground to cater to what they want and what their partner wants.
There aren’t any perfect relationships. The pictures and videos we see on social media are only a glimpse of their relationships. There’s a story for every relationship, the fights, the compromises, the routines, and other things.
It’s different for everyone, and it doesn’t mean that what works in your relationship may work with other couples. Finding the lapses in your relationship may make it easier to focus on what you need to work on. Being in a committed and long-term relationship means that you keep growing together.