Should I Get Back With My Ex?
I'm sure at some time in our lives, we've questioned whether or not we should get back with our ex's
It comes to a point where we even seek advice from our friends on whether or not we're doing the right thing by getting back together with our exes.
“You’re too good for him.”
“Honey, no matter how many times I told you to let go, you won’t. Unless you are ready to let go.”
“There’s someone else out there for you.”
We have to admit that after all the time you've spent together and getting to know each other, it would be difficult to let go of them.
Some instances would be the kind of “the one that got away,” but sometimes it can also be “I finally was able to let go.”
Everyone goes through their list of pros and cons, but one thing that everyone would agree on is that they "still love" their ex.
Obviously, I'm not directing you to do these things in particular since this is a very personal choice that will vary from person to person.
In any case, I'm here to provide you with some knowledge on what you can do after a breakup.
# 1: Give each other space
As much as you still want to talk to them, be their friend or spend time together, the best thing to do post break up is to - give each other space.
I get that it can be quite difficult to even imagine a life without them or to stay away from them, but you need to check whether or not you still want them in your life.
Instead of thinking about their decision and what they’ll do, this is the time to focus on yourself.
If you’re the type to lose yourself when loving someone, this is the time to rethink about your choices. You cannot let this keep happening to you, boo. You deserve to be loved for who you are instead of changing what your loved one dislikes about you.
It gets scary to sit alone with your thoughts, especially when you’ve been attached or dependent on your partner, but this is a healthy exercise for you to do before getting back into a relationship.
Take things slow and take all the time you need. Your ex will completely understand and give you that if he truly loves you.
# 2: Assess whether your ex still fits in your life
As much as we want to live in the moment, we have goals and dreams we want to achieve. And even during that short time after your post-break-up, you possibly have gotten to know yourself a little more.
We do love to compromise, especially when it’s for the one we love, BUT post breakups are supposed to let you realize if the person you were with carries the same values, has dreams, and if they still fit in your life after looking back at the relationship that you had with them.
As scary as it seems to feel or overthink about how they might be the only person who can love us, that’s not true.
Now I’m not saying your ex isn’t going to mature or change IF you see these changes, and he genuinely wants to be with you, then honey it’s your call.
# 3: Address the elephant in the room
It’s actually quite natural to want to avoid conflict and confrontation.
We’d usually cover them up by showering our partners with affection or avoiding the topic because let’s face it. It’s easier that way sometimes.
But the thing is, this is quite crucial to do before deciding to get back with your partner.
While you continuously avoid topics that start conflicts, it may possibly add load or stress towards you or your partner, which would most likely be bottled up until the next fight or break up.
You wouldn’t want to keep repeating the same process that’s probably drained you continuously, so as much as you want to still avoid you eventually need to face it before you deep dive again into breaking up again.
#4: Are your problems fixable?
Like in our tip #3, addressing the elephant in the room would mean openly talking about it and assessing whether or not you’d still want your relationship to continue.
BUT, here’s the dealbreaker.
There will be countless problems you’ll face with your partner, and you both have to figure out that this is what you want because you can’t keep falling back to the same routines. You know, facing a problem, arguing, breaking up, and then getting back together.
It’s not healthy for you or your partner.
I’ve had this relationship before where my ex would manipulate me stating that it was my fault every single week we had a fight.
We kept breaking up over the simplest of things and whenever he would apologize he just kept repeating the same reaction, and wouldn’t even try and fix the problem. Instead, he would blame me.
I know what you’re thinking. It was definitely toxic.
But this is only one scenario I’m sharing, there are probably millions of different scenarios, but what I mean here is that, when you keep encountering the same problem without fixing it, it will just stress you out more and lose interest in the long run.
#5: Set a casual meetup place
Instead of meeting in a place where it’s just the two of you (which wouldn’t be a great decision considering something might happen, you know PG18 stuff) would probably distract you from having an actual conversation.
Find a place where you won’t start feeling steamy and tempted to do the deed or a place where you won’t need to cry in public when things get a little sensitive.
Maybe your favorite cafe, or taking a stroll in the park. Remember, the goal here is to make conversation and assess whether or not you’d want to get back with them.
Now, these are just a few things to consider when getting back together. But never disregard that sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together, or maybe, the both of you met each other at the wrong time.
It doesn’t mean that you won’t ever get back together with them. Maybe in the future, you might. But you can’t rush your progress and your growth before you spend a lifetime with them.
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